support4women

My son has been selected for the Lancashire SportsHall Under 11 team – we found out today. I’m so proud. He loves his sport, and he always gives his best.

I’ve just asked him to write down how he feels. This is copied from his own writing:

“I feel exstatic and really over the moon and really happy. It means the world to me. I am amazed because I am 10.”

Yes, he’s got another year in this age group, so he’s done exceptionally well. But, I think you can tell it means a lot to him as an individual.

I’m not sure he’ll ever be an Olympic athlete, but today, he’s chuffed to bits that his talent has been recognised outside his own sports club.

I hope that grin stays on his face forever!

Simple goals in life when achieved make you feel like this don’t they?

Some of you will know I’ve had a tough week. I’ve stopped hiding when life is tough, but often ask for support from online friends. Thank you for your kind words and thoughts.

This Monday is so different to last week! Last week saw my boys back at school (first day), husband in bed with awful toothache & infection, and me on a treadmill trying to make sure all my jobs, and his jobs were completed. It was very task orientated. The family certainly came first – eating, clothes, activities, and getting hubby well again. The business had to be put on hold. Which isn’t great when you’re a customer facing company!

Today, it’s been a delight. Hard work, and running around in Mum’s taxi tonight to school sportshall competition, then onto their club athletics. But I’ve made it, and feel OK. Tired, but OK.

Our main ‘problem’ this last week has been supporting someone in the family, who lives 100 miles away. The Friday before school started we all dropped what we were doing and took to action stations to support him and his partner. It’s been an emotional roller coaster. We’re not through the worst yet, but this week we’re able to plan our support (and my husband is not in pain, so is able to function within the household).

There’s all sorts of extended family implications with this illness. There’s already been back biting, but hopefully, there’s a plan in place to get through the next few important weeks. Information has been sought, (but not always shared with the right people); plans have been put in place, (but not always seeking help and advice from people who have knowledge or skill); actions are starting to happen. Emotions and tempers amongst close family members have been pushed to the limits.

Even though we should all have seen this coming, whose responsibility is it to check up on someone? Or ask the partner if everything’s OK if you’re concerned about a loved one? Do you check with friends and family about their mental health as well as physical health? How do you ask “do you need professional help?” ? I’d like to know!

I’m sure some of the emergency could have been taken out of our situation with more of the right communication between family members. But I also know that this family is not the best at talking in the right way about the right things. Things have to blow up into a real drama before something is taken seriously, or action is taken. It’s not my way, or the way I’m used to. But it’s A way. I’ve come to understand this is how some people work, even though I can’t affect it, or be effective within this environment.

So, whilst we’re not on red alert right now, we’re probably on amber, waiting for code red to be implemented again. It’s not the easiest state to be in. But, with the right information, right planning and communication of ALL the facts between ALL parties, we’re in a stronger position to help the main parties this week.

A week makes a difference only if you use that time effectively. Depression is a tough illness to deal with and explain to children. Especially at crisis points when code red is what we have to act upon.

Any advice, gratefully received!

Pregnancy is a life-changing event, wrought with potential stressors. Is your goal to have a relaxed pregnancy? Do you remember to look after you and your bump? Do you find it easy to relax?

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Alice Langley is better known online as An Essex Wife, wife of Rob and Mother to Scarlett aged 2 and Orlaith aged 7 weeks.

I love my life as a housewife and mother.  However I’m a strong believer in keeping your own identify, and combining being a wife and mother with being my most fabulous self is something I strive to achieve everyday.  The main ethos of An Essex Wife is ‘Family life, done in style’ and 2012 is the year I out all of this into practice.

Planning for 2012 – The year of new beginnings!

2011 was, for me, the year of big events! I got married, had a new baby and started my blog (which in 6 short months has changed my life’s direction completely) so it was quite a whirlwind to say the least.

Now things have settled down a little I have had a chance to think about what my next move is, and how I am going to combine running a home, raising two children under 3 and changing my career direction completely in order for to be able to work from home while caring for my daughters.

In an ideal world, this year will see me carve out a portfolio career of freelance writing, running a parenting group with a modern twist and having a successful blog. I’m no fool, I know this is going to be hard work, and there is no guarantee that any of it will be a success, but I sure am going to enjoy trying.  I love a challenge, setting myself goals and working hard to achieve them, it keeps me busy and gives my daughters a positive example of how women can combine both being a mother and being a person in her own right.

To help with this I have set myself a list of things to achieve each month. Benchmarks throughout the year to measure myself against to ensure I am sticking to my plan and that my quest for world domination on nicely on track.  Small, manageable, specific goals, such as this weeks goal of finding a location for my parenting group, are much more likely to be achieved than one general overall goal, such as ‘having a successful blog’. Large, generic goals can seem so overwhelming and easy to give up on.  The same can be applied for the ‘New Year, New You’ health kick, if you say to yourself ‘this year I will lose two stone’, then as soon as after a month you have only lost a few pounds you become dishearten and give up. However if you if you set your self smaller goals such as ‘by Easter I will have lost half a stone’ then it helps to keep you motivated.

For me, by Easter, I plan to have held my first parenting event and have completed 2 freelance writing jobs, I’ll be sure to pop back and let you know how I get on.

We will be catching up with Alice later in the year to see how she is getting on….

This isn’t the easiest post to write, but I want to mark today, and talk about how I feel about something. Please bear with me if it doesn’t resonate with you. It may do one day, and hopefully you’ll then be reminded that time does stand still occasionally, usually when you least want it to!

Probably 8 weeks ago a friend of mine told me about a health concern she had. She was having tests, and we all thought she would be fine, including the doctors who said the tests were ‘routine’. With any health scare, your life does go on hold and you can’t focus on anything else until you get the results. From the experience of my own Mum’s cancer, I know only too well that the worst part of the whole process is waiting for each step of the process to happen ‘to’ her.

3 weeks before Christmas she got the results. None of us expected her cancer to have come back. She’s been in remission from breast cancer for 10 years, and has just started doing new things after her husband died from cancer early in 2011. We were all devastated, even though the prognosis is excellent. I shouted and cried “LIFE’s NOT FAIR”, but I knew that anyway didn’t I?

Time for my friend was standing still, and for the rest of us, we were having to keep going. What can we do whilst we wait to hear about what treatment and when? She couldn’t find the right time to tell her daughters, but she knew the effect the news would have on them, just when they were preparing for their first Christmas without their Dad.

We talked, and talked. We’ve hugged and been out for coffee & cakes. She’s shopped a lot – strangely, my Mum used retail therapy too!

We’ve planned for 2012. We know that her life is going to be thrown around these next few months whilst she has chemotherapy & herceptin. But time won’t stand still for any of us. We have to continue to support her and her family. It’s not going to be easy as her first  grandchild is due to be born in the middle of the treatment.

We’ll keep things moving along whilst she just simply takes ‘time out’ and gets the most important thing back together – her health. Luckily they’ve caught the secondaries early, and to look at her you wouldn’t know there was anything wrong. Scary, but we’re thankful to a friend who encouraged her to go to the doctor about becoming breathless.

Whilst my friend has so much to look forward to in 2012, I know that she’ll feel that she’s standing still rather than moving forward with her life as she planned it 6 months ago. What’s 6 months? In the grand scheme of things, once she’s got over the treatments we can then help her get back to where she wants to be with her life.

If you’re supporting someone with cancer, or other illness, remember that time becomes marked as ‘before treatment’ and ‘after treatment’. Be patient with them, and remember that their treatment plans will mean that they’re ‘normal’ some weeks, and ‘poorly’ others. But really, time is standing still for them whilst you’re off carrying on with your life. This is the most powerful support we can give, I think. Not carry on regardless, but simply carry on. The treatment is awful, but with love, prayers and support we know they’ll pull through.

I’m sure you’ve got things to add. But please, if you can live life to the full, do it. You never know when time will stand still for you to frustrate your plans.

Leslie Anne is back talking about her mission to be super organised in 2012.

I’m on a constant mission to be one of those super organised people – every year I get a little closer! Last year, I discovered three essential organisational tools that I couldn’t live without now. Maybe they’ll help you too?
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Leslieanne shares her tips for getting organised for 2012. We’ll be highlighting some resolutions for 2012 and then in 6 months time we’ll be seeing how our guest bloggers get on..

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What do you start the New Year with? For me buying a new diary is almost cleansing…as a bit of a stationery freak I love the choice and believe me it does take a while to choose the right one, with the right amount of space and also one that I will take pride in so that it isn’t left to the side of the desk unloved.

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Christmas is a time of wonderful family traditions. But who creates them? How do they become traditions?

Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without them!

It’s been really interesting watching my children this year with the Christmas decorations. In some ways, buying the Christmas tree, for them, has become a ‘tradition’. They told us that we had to do things in a certain way, “because that’s how we do it”! We had to have Christmas music playing, (of course!), and we all had to be there. They had to wear their Santa hats. It was lovely doing all this with them, and finding the decorations that they made when they were younger.

I remember that when my firstborn had his second Christmas, (he was only a month old at his first!), my husband and I almost got a divorce about our differing family traditions about a certain significant character at Christmas time. For me, my memories of Father Christmas visiting my family as a child were so strong and magical, that I wanted to continue this tradition for my family. We had to alter how his family spoke about Christmas giving, changing their family tradition of over 40 years! We did it, and it’s been wonderful for all of us, but it was a struggle.

My boys are also keen to ensure we have the same food at Christmas. My husband’s family have a ‘tradition’ for potted shrimps as a starter at Christmas. Whilst I enjoy this, I find it really boring to have the same things every year for my meal. As we’re hosting this year, we’re having a change and the boys are helping to plan the menu. The main event of Turkey, roast potatoes and pigs in blankets will be surrounded by different vegetables and interesting starters and desserts (although we’ll still have Christmas pudding as well).

Sometimes we rail against creating ‘traditions’ as we don’t want to set ourselves up to fail. Or we don’t want to commit to meeting friends at the same time every year. But when you hear about families or friendship groups meeting at the same weekend every year to celebrate their friendships and love for each other don’t you feel all warm and cuddly? I do!

As a churchgoer all of my life, I love the season of Advent and don’t feel it’s Christmas until I’ve been to the Carol Service where I can sing my heart out. That’s changed this year! I haven’t been to Church regularly for over a year, and chose not to go to the Church Carol Service as it’s not to my taste. But on Monday night we were treated to the children from the boys school telling the story of Christmas through words and music at Church. It was wonderful. Watching them smiling, hearing them putting passion and meaning into the Christmas story, and enjoying themselves – thoroughly!

To me, this is what Chrismtas is all about. It’s about love, and families and friends. It’s about sharing what we have with each other. Yes, I love some of the traditions, but WE create those traditions, so we can also change them!

What traditions have YOU created? And which ones would you give up?

Sam Mackley tells us why her New Years resolutions are all about planning but more about enjoying what you have… Read the rest of this entry »