Being a parent is a big responsibility. A parent is the closest role model a child will have.

Team winners at school cross country. My boys 1st & 3rd in school team
But not all parents of talented children are talented themselves. Some parents want their children to do things they didn’t have the opportunity to do.
So, do we encourage and nuture talents in our children? Or do we push them? Do we push them to do things they don’t want to do because we think it’s good for them? How do we know? We’re all different, and so are our children. They’re different from us. They have different skills and abilities. Different interests. They’re growing up in a different world to the one we grew up in.
I’ve written before about ‘football parents’. I don’t want to dwell on it, as we’ve met some lovely people through the football games the boys have played in. But we, as parents, haven’t encouraged them to continue playing football. We haven’t discouraged it, I guess we haven’t pushed either.
No.1 has just given up club football to start Scouts. He was a Cub, but it was on a different night of the week, so he could do both. But when the time came for him to move on he had to make the decision. We suggested he move to a different football club that trained on a different night, or even a different Scout group. But no. Scouts and more athletics sessions has won the day for him.
Coach wasn’t pleased. “He’s very talented, and if he gives up now he’ll be behind the others when he decides to do it again”, is what I was told. My response was, “He’s talented at all sports, and he plays football at school. This is his choice”. Like I said, we’re not sorry to have left the shouting from the sidelines behind. A lot of the shouting is not often encouraging. I feel it doesn’t allow the child to learn how to play the game themselves.
I’m dygressing!
I’m lucky or unlucky, to have 2 talented boys. They are fortunate that they don’t struggle at much in their lives, and seem to enjoy everything they do. The eldest recently went on a sports camp as the representative for his school as a ‘gifted and talented pupil’ for Year 6 pupils. The coach said of him, “X was one of only 2 year 5′s on the camp and if I’m totally honest I would say he was THE standout child that attended”. High praise, and we’re very proud of him. Copied directly from an email sent to his teacher
But does that now mean that we have to ‘push’ him to do things to use this talent that he’s displaying, or simply continue to encourage him to develop and do the things he wants to do? Should we be talking to professional coaches about his talent so that he can develop to his full potential? Or do we carry on encouraging and supporting him in his current club to do what he wants when he wants? Will he reach his potential through encouragement anyway? Is it just natural?
We’re not ones for bribing our children, but I will admit to offering a family day out in return for them taking part in a fun athletics competition in Manchester soon, instead of attending the school fair. We’re swapping a day of competition doing new activities in a new environment for 2 hours of sweet eating & bouncy castle fun with their friends. Are we wrong? Is that what being a pushy parent is? I have to say, they didn’t need much persuasion, so I’m not feeling guilty!
But going back to football for a second. If either boy wants to take up football again when they’re older they can, can’t they? Just because at 10 and 8 they’ve lost interest, doesn’t mean that if they’re talented and/or interested, they can’t play when they’re older? A lot of top sports people don’t pick up their sports until late teens anyway.
I feel I’m going on now, writing an essay! But I’m sure I’m not alone in wondering what the boundaries are? And do we cross them? Is that our decision as parents? Or do we take advice from teachers, coaches and specialist advisers about our children’s pathways through life?
Being an encouraging parent is what I hope I am, but I’m sure it’s a very fine line. I’m sure we parents would benefit from a “Coach the coaches” session, so we can encourage our children better through their chosen paths!
What do you think or do? Does it make a difference?