Life will always be too short

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Last week we went to the funeral of OH’s 47 year old university friend. It wasn’t the easiest of days, or weeks leading up to it.

Red tulipsCompared to a year ago when I was sad at the passing of my 97 year old Nan, this January we felt that Gordon was too young to leave us and his family behind. We felt that his 12 and 9 year old had been robbed of time with their Dad; and his wife, a partner to grow old with.

We’d never been to a humanist service before. The celebrant got it spot on and reassured us all that this is just how it is. The ONLY certainty in life, is death.

Humanists, “want a world where everyone lives cooperatively on the basis of shared human values, respect for human rights, and concern for future generations.

We want non-religious people to be confident in living ethical and fulfilling lives on the basis of reason and humanity.”

She told us that it was right to be sad at Gordon’s passing, but that we’d had Gordon in our lives and we should be thankful for that. I know that all of us agree that having shared his life, love and laughter we wouldn’t want it any other way. He’ll be remembered with affection at what he brought to our lives.

We never know what’s around the corner for any of us. An accident, an illness, war – we’ll never know what’ll ‘get us’ in the end. Whether we live to be a grand old age and not be in great health, we just can’t plan can that last bit can we?

From someone who’s lived with a Mum who defied cancer for 10 years and watched her live every day to it’s fullest until she died aged 65, I know that it’s a shame when someone is taken from us so young of age. But that celebrant was right. Life would have been less colourful without Gordon, and we’re pleased that he was part of our lives.

A friend is currently living with the knowledge that her 2 month old baby won’t live for long. But the joy this baby is bringing to his family and friends and the love they are all sharing together is beautiful.

Please live for the day. Don’t bear grudges. And live your dreams. Don’t put off today what needs to be done or said. You may not get another chance to hug that person who needs it. Cliches maybe, but I’m going to live an ethical and fulfilling life, starting today.

Will you?

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2013 – here we go!

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I know it’s the 19th January, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s only just getting going with 2013 ‘stuff’?

Diary

Not my diary – it’s got things already written in it!

I got all my diarys and planners ready early January, but they’re not yet completed. Are yours? I have spoken to the majority of the Bra Lady franchisees about their goals and plans for the year ahead, and I’ve thought about it. I just haven’t put pen to paper. Have you?

As you know, 2012 was a tough year, and some aspects of my weekly routines didn’t get done. I’ve spent the last few weeks getting up to date, so finally, today, I’m feeling like I’m ready to start & get going. Even the snow isn’t dampening my spirit!

This week we’ve accepted an offer on our house, seen somewhere we want to move to, and got the accounts up to date. The VAT return will be completed tomorrow, 10 days ahead of schedule. The boys have had a great start to the year with their athletic events. And, we’ve caught up with some family and friends we hadn’t seen for ages. Not bad for the first 19 days!

The smugness will be gone again once I start to write my plans down though! My head is working overtime with all the things I want to achieve this year – personal and business. It’s good though isn’t it? To feel so positive that you can put pen to paper and commit your ideas so that others may support, or question you? Being challenged is one of the most difficult things we face isn’t it? And when others challenge your goals and plans, how does that make you feel? Threatened? Pleased they’ve taken an interest?

Well, here’s my broad plan for Support4Women this year. I know I neglected it last year, but I’m in a better place for supporting you, so I hope you’ll join in & encourage others to support each other. I’m not looking at monthly themes, but themes that will run throughout the year with some guest posts from you. Yes YOU!

2013 Support4Women themes:

Getting & staying active – I really like the She Moves campaign that’s just started to encourage more women to get and stay active. I’ve had a personal journey to stay active, and this is continuing to help me with get fit & stay sane amongst all the ups and downs of life. I’d like to hear about your own experience of getting & staying active this year. If you’d like to share a monthly diary with us, let me know.

Transgender support – through my Bra Lady work, I’m increasingly meeting and supporting biological men become women, and all that entails. It’s bad enough learning about changing bodies when we’re born female with a mother or aunt to support us. How much more difficult it must be when a person is trapped in a male form and doesn’t have that basic support. If you’re going through the change, or are/have supported someone through this change, and are willing to share your experiences, please get in touch.

Small business support – over the year’s I’ve personally supported a lot of small businesses, and growing business through coaching, action learning sets and through the franchise business. This small business support, this year, will be further developed through regular articles for small businesses. If you’ve got ideas to share with those thinking about becoming self employed, or developing a small business, your views and ideas are most welcome.

Parenting – being a Mum of 2 very active boys, 1 of whom suffered at the hands of bullies last year, I’d like to share more parenting ideas and issues. I certainly don’t have the answers, but I always like to promote discussion. If we’re not prepared to look at issues from different angles, I’m not sure we can learn as individuals, or as parents. If you have parenting issues you’d like to share, please get in touch.

I think that’s enough, don’t you? There’ll be posts on cancer, community, volunteering, breastfeeding and maybe some about bras during the year. I’ve been asked to do some reviews, so they’ll fall into place somewhere along the way. I’m looking forward to sharing an eclectic mix of views, news and discussions to support you and your family during 2013.

Ours has started well, I hope yours has too? Please get in touch if you’ve got ideas, posts, reviews or discussions you’d like to share with others. You can also give me a nudge on twitter, or Facebook if those are your preferred ways to chat.

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Guest post – Can the online community help?

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Today I’ve got a guest blog from Liz Weston, who I’ve known for a number of years as she’s evolved from being someone who knew that they wanted to start a business of their own, but wasn’t sure what to do, into running her own social media and PR agency and being a publisher for NHS Maternity Units. 

I wrote a blog post documenting my journey to getting control of my website and re couping some of tens of thousands of pounds Bras4Mums has lost – some of which has now been recovered. Liz suggested in a comment on that blog post that I could take a fresh approach to promoting Bras4Mums and offered to write a guest post on it, so here it is….
I saw TJ’s post a few days ago and part of me felt guilty that I’d not been there more for her – physically and practically, particularly in the last 12 months when she’d been re evaluating the Bras4Mums business. I’m so pleased that the issues have now been resolved and that she’s still standing. My suggestion for her to make the most of 2013 and in particular, the start of it, is to “reach out” (to use a term that really annoys most people in PR and social media) and ask people for help, because she’s helped so many people over the last few years herself.
The idea comes from the experience of Nick Sarillo who in September 2011, sent an email to his customers and anyone and everyone that he knew, to ask them for help. In short, if he didn’t get more customers into his pizzeria, and quickly, he was going to lose his business. It’s a proper phoenix from the ashes and in fact, he’s just had his book published about the whole experience.
So my suggestion to TJ is that she does this herself. And being TJ, she’s a bit, well, shy to say that she’d like some help. So I’m doing it for her! As a community, we can come together, and help Bras4Mums. Here’s a few of the easiest ways that you can support Bras4Mums in 2013…
You can commit to tweet or post on Facebook – on your personal and business page once a month, for every month of 2013. With buffer, hootsuite and all sorts of other scheduling opportunities available to us all, the least we can do is tweet once a month, telling people that Bras4Mums helps women of all shapes and sizes, at whatever stage they are at in pregnancy or breastfeeding. T-J and the Bra Lady team help women throughout their lives
Or if like me, you’ve had a bra from T-J and Bras4Mums, you could tell people about it in a blog post – you could explain if you had to return a bra that wasn’t the right size, about their free returns and their great over the phone bra fitting service – I’ve used it! And I spoke to T-J – long before I actually knew her personally!!
Or perhaps you could put a badge, or link to Bras4Mums on your Facebook page or blog, or somewhere that you have a presence online?
If you own a business, can you write a post about how T-J’s sharing has made you feel – confident of where you’re at / scared that other people can have such an effect upon your business / realising that you need to strengthen your networks / grateful for the networks that you do have / in need of growing your online community. In fact, even if you think T-J was too trusting, she won’t be offended if you write that you think she should have intervened at the point where she realised her website had been sub-contracted.
And finally, you could look for opportunities for other people you know to take guest blog posts from T-J on her experiences and look for opportunities to share stats, stories and news from Bras4Mums.
And I forgot – the most obvious one – to make sure you are signed up to the Bras4Mums newsletter – make your life easy – you’ll get strong content for your online platforms!
So, that’s a few of my initial ideas on how we can all come together and share the fact that Bras4Mums is still very much here and in need of support from the community to be able to continue and thrive. How you choose to do it, is up to you. Please leave a comment below on what you will do so we can comment, tweet and reply to your support of Bras4Mums.
And finally, (really this is the last thing, promise)… please leave comments with ideas on how we can all do more than this – I’m just scratching the surface with these suggestions. As a whole, we are so much stronger than our individual parts, so please join me in showing T-J how much we want Bras4Mums to have a great 2013….
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My nightmare is over – finally

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bras4mums logo3 1/2 years ago I commissioned a new website for bras4mums. This was part of the business growth plan to move to a more sophisticated website for both customer shopping experience and for our own management of the business within the office.

It was a big task, and an expensive one. With the help of my Dad, who wanted to help give my business a boost after I’d neglected it whilst travelling to visit my terminally ill Mum for 9 months, we got the project started. I felt very grown up working with a big web design and PR company to develop my new site. It was one of my biggest business mistakes and has caused the most stress and heartache of anything I’ve ever known, in work and in my personal life.

I’m not going to tell the story blow by blow, as it’s not all relevant to you. Nevertheless, we can all learn from my mistakes and the roller coaster journey that has just come to an end over 3 years on.

Headlines:

July 2009: Brief written & agreed. Company chosen (One Marketing, was previously known as Made With & prior to that Go Create from Sale, Manchester), & contract entered into via email communication and face to face meetings.

August 2009: One Marketing recommended using a Magento site & had previous experience in lingerie websites having done Gok Wan’s Simply Yours website. It seemed to do what I wanted it to, and as One Marketing had recommended it, and they were experts in this field, we went ahead.

I agreed to get product details to One Marketing during August as part of the contract was for them to input the data onto the site.

September 2009: PR campaign started as site due to go live mid-September in time for pre-promotion before the Earls Court baby show. Site delayed & incorrect information added on products. I stopped One Marketing from entering any further details onto the site, and the staff team did it instead. It took over an hour to enter 1 products details – the old site took 15 minutes. I was told this would be ‘fixed’.

It turned out that One Marketing sub-contracted the development of the bras4mums website to Fusion Web Development, (no longer in existence). Part of the original brief was that I wanted 1 point of contact & now I was getting 2. I should have given more thought to this more at this stage, but was keen to get the new site live.

October 2009: Site went live with incorrect data & a day’s downtime due to incorrect DNS information asked for from previous supplier. Site was offline for at least a full day this month with ‘glitches’.

November 2009: More downtime and ‘fixes’ still not sorted.

January 2010: More glitches found and customers not able to purchase from site.

February 2010: During busiest retail show, the site crashed. There was no recent backup available, so a month old back up was restored to site and customer details were lost. At this stage I found out that there were 3 companies involved – the company I contracted with, the sub-contractor on software side & a separate server company, MESH Internet. The nightmare got worse.

Sleepless nights, stressful days, the laptop was permanently on and we had to check every single product again and again. The glitches had by this stage increased, and there were still no fixes in sight.

March 2010: One Marketing admitted they’d caused the problems by not hosting the site themselves, so migrated the bras4mums site to their own servers & told me I had to contract with Fusion for fixing the glitches. It was like living in an awful dream. Money could not fix these glitches, as none of the 3 companies involved seemed to care that my world was falling down around me. All the time and money already invested into this project seemed a total waste. I would not give up though – maybe I should have thrown the towel in and started again. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

Summer 2010: All relationships broke down with Fusion who could not fix the problems they’d created, or One Marketing who were an absolute nightmare and took no responsibility at all for their actions and advice. I took the decision to move the site back to a server that could cope with the site, (One Marketing weren’t letting Fusion access to their server to clear off backups and I was being charged an extortionate amount of money) and at least had a relationship with Fusion.

For the first time in my working life I shouted at people on the phone. It’s not big or clever, but I didn’t know what else to do to get my point across.

September 2010: I chatted with a solicitor, from Marsden Rawsthorns, Preston, who agreed that my contract had never been completed and the ongoing problems with the site created a claim against One Marketing, in failing to complete a contract plus loss of earnings.

One Marketing didn’t take my claim seriously until December 2010. At this stage I wanted my money back, plus my losses for website downtime and claimed £25,000 from them, plus costs.

2011: We made slow progress via the 2 solicitors, with One Marketing not providing any counter evidence to the big file of emails I had. They finally agreed to pay half of the website in June 2011. By this stage, I’d done a proper calculation of my losses caused by a malfunctioning website, and, depending if you looked at projected increase in sales with  a new website, or level sales with previous year, my total losses were between £60-£80K. *GULP*. That’s scary!

July 2011: We’d warned One Marketing that we’d take them to court if they didn’t increase their offer, so my solicitor advised this was the next course of action. The court papers were prepared. And that’s it. He then sat on them, for whatever reason….

Autumn -Spring 2012: I chased the solicitor for action. I’d been keeping the website going as it was needed by the court, so paying out more than needed for a site that didn’t work. I eventually wrote a Formal Complaint letter against my solicitor, who then started to get things moving again.

I created a new bras4mums website which was safe, secure and a way forward.

Summer 2012: Negotiations were re-opened with One Marketing’s solicitor, who agreed that they wanted to settle out of court. I just wanted it finished with by now. I’m not describing the effects this had on my business here, but I’m sure you can work out that if any business looses a significant amount of expected income, it has a knock on effect!

November 2012: We agreed to settle. It’s not satisfactory by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s settled.

I can finally move on with my life and my business. There are so many lessons to learn from this. Here’s just a few:

  • Become a limited company as soon as you can, to limit personal loss and also ensure the business is insurable against contractual failures
  • Consider contract insurance within your business
  • Write everything down and keep records of all discussions with partners and potential partners.
  • Don’t make final payments until you’re happy that the contract has been satisfactorily completed
  • Be clear about your brief and expectations. Stick to them & don’t let any ‘expert’ tell you how to run your business. You know your business best, and you’re asking a contractor to do something to enhance it. If they won’t do it, they’re not the right contractor for you
  • Never give up hope and keep chasing
  • Research your contractors and get references, but don’t rely on previous work for future. Personnel change.

I’m so looking forward to 2013! What’s done is done. There’s no going back. Now’s the time to move forward and build the bras4mums business up again using all my business knowledge and experience to support pregnant and breastfeeding women with a well stocked website that’s easy to use.

I want to publicly thank all those who’ve supported me personally over the last 3-4 years. It’s been a tough time for all of us, but now my personal nightmare is finally over, I hope I can support you if you need it. Thank you to my patient business partners. 2013 is going to be the best year we’ve had for a long time! :-)

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What is your No.1 priority?

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I mean it – what is it? I’m not talking about that ‘to do’ list you have – 1 for home, 1 for work, plus the household tasks that need doing. What I’m talking about is what you drop everything for. What your energy needs to be focused on, or life doesn’t feel right.

A lot has happened this year. In some ways, more than the past few years, which as you know have been tough. The last few months have been especially tough as I explained last time. But what it has done is made me totally focus my mind and efforts on to what is THE priority in my life.

A few months ago, I may have said financial security. But is that really what I really crave? No. I’m a risk taker, and we’ll be OK, whatever happens.

All the hours I’ve spent developing my business. The laughs, the tears and the stress have all been worthwhile. I still love what I do. I still believe in my business, and still want it to succeed. I’m not fed up with it. But it’s NOT my No.1 priority.

When thinking about actually writing this down, I asked some questions of those I connect with. I totally agree with Susie from New Day New Lesson, when she said, “No one on their death bed has ever said they were sorry they didn’t work more. I also think that if you find the right line of work and are passionate about it , it is not work but rather a way of life.” But, when push comes to shove, even a way of life you love isn’t always a priority.

For me, right now, my No.1 priority is my children. No.2 son is being bullied and he’s not as happy and carefree as he was. No.1 son is obviously affected by it all, especially when he sees things happen in the playground. My husband comes a close 2nd place, and our family and friends are equal 3rd.

We’ve just found out that a friend who my husband went to Uni with is not well. His children are the same age as mine. It’s stunned us, yet again, by how short our lives on earth are.

I’ve had some nasty comments from customers these past few weeks, as my business customer service has not been the best. I’m sorry. I can only apologise. I’ve always prided myself on excellent customer service, but it’s not priority anymore. It’s important, and to continue in business I need to focus on it. But NOT to the detriment of my 8 and 11 year olds who need their mother to be there when they need me.

We all know life is tough, but we often make it harder for ourselves by not thinking through exactly what our priority is. Some of those around me are also re-thinking their priorities. It’s worth just sitting back sometimes and thinking things through.

Us Mums in Business want it all, and to a certain extent can have it all if we work hard and have support. But I’m putting my flag in the sand and saying, right here, that, I’d do anything to have my carefree boy back again who entertains everyone he meets. I may not be able to fix things, but I can certainly do my best for him.

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Waiting is the most difficult thing

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Sometimes we have to wait for things to happen before we can move on in our lives. Usually it’s just one thing we’re waiting for, and we have to be patient.

At the moment I’m waiting for quite a few things to fall into place & I’m finding it hard to motivate myself. I know, not like me is it? I’m always so positive and supportive of others. Well, lacking motivation happens to all of us. That’s life and we have to deal with it!

We’re waiting to move house: We’ve accepted an offer on our house, but the wheels are just starting to turn. It’s been 10 years since we moved house, and that means we’ve got 10 years of rubbish to clear out!

I’m waiting for a legal dispute to be settled: It started over 2 years ago now, and I’m now fed up of waiting and chasing. I know legal cases take time, but when you’re a small business, it has a massive impact on your work doesn’t it?

I’m wanting to sell one of my businesses: I’m ready to move on to focus on the bra fitting side of the Bra Lady business. I’ve put bras4mums up for sale. A ready made business for someone looking for a niche online shop. Despite lots of interest, it’s still up for sale.

I’m ready to put the past behind: My Mum died over 3 years ago, and my Dad changed into someone I don’t recognise about 3 years ago. I’ve struggled with losing the living person I love so much, as well as my poorly Mum. I’m ready to move on, but am finding it hard to let my Dad go.

One of these is challenging I know, but all at the same time? I’m not moaning, I’m just telling you how it is for anyone of us sometimes. Those of us busy Mums with businesses have a lot to deal with. We can only take so much can’t we?

My plan? A holiday with my family to enable me to take a step back and get things back in perspective. I’m lucky to have such wonderful family and friends who’ve supported me over the last 4 very difficult years. I know that all I need to do is get back to basics and focus on the goals I’ve set.

Yes waiting is difficult and we have to be patient. But we can also make the waiting easier by being easier on ourselves, not beating ourselves up when things take a bit longer than we think they should, and revising our plans.

Any other advice you’d give to those who’re being impatient?

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A change is as good as a rest

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I’ve been quiet recently. Sorry. It’s been busy. I’ve been shattered. Big decisions have been made and put into action. So here’s the first of my posts about it all.

“A change is as good as a rest”, they say. What do you think? Is it true? Change can be so stressful, can’t it?

Change can also be refreshing. It can breathe new life into an area that was stagnating. Moving on can be challenging. Isn’t that what we need to keep ourselves motivated?

I’ve changed how I work. Dramatically. I’m working 3 days a week with Lancashire Sports Partnership as their part-time Business Manager. This week will be the first week by myself after 3 weeks of handover from a lovely lady who’s now on Maternity Leave.

I’ve already found that I’ve got a new enthusiasm for my life, and my business. My brain is being challenged in a different way. I’m thinking about sport, marketing and finance. I’m being more efficient with my time during the week. Yes, I’m juggling a bit more, but if I’m enjoying life more does that matter?

You may be shocked or surprised. You may feel this is good news. You may think about your own situation in a different way. I’d be pleased to hear your comments.

Yes, the economy is still in recession. Yes, it’s hard to run a retail business in this environment. So what? I run a growing profitable business with the Bra Lady team growing across the UK, and more demand for the home bra fitting service. So, why work for someone else whilst my own business is doing well?

I need a change. I love my business, but I’ve had a very tough 4-5 years. Some I’ve documented, some stories are still to tell. I’m changing my life for 9 months to give me a break. A time to step back from my business and look in. A time to reflect, whilst doing something totally different using the skills I’ve developed over my career, with a team of passionate people in a friendly office.

This week I’m flying solo. It’s going to be a challenging role, but that’s just what I need right now To work with others who don’t talk about bras all day! To use my skills for a different purpose and develop them so that I can re-invigorate my own business with new ideas.

Yes, to be able to take a month off work and go and walk in the hills would be lovely. But that’s not possible or realistic. This change, I believe, will be better than a rest.

What do you think?

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The juggling of the Summer Holidays

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Well, it’s almost over and we’ve survived another year. But we’ve also enjoyed another year of playing with our children & enjoying spending time together doing different things.

The Hughes Family at the Olympic Games

Supporting Team GB at London 2012

Yes, it’s been a bit more of a juggle than we expected. Some plans we’d made months ago fell through. The boys have been with friends and family and done fun things. I do find it interesting though that no.1 son said yesterday that he was ‘bored’ with the holiday. He was talking about going away “AGAIN!” to his grandparents. I asked him what he meant by bored as I didn’t think it was the right word. But he said it was. He hasn’t enjoyed the journeys to and from his holiday destinations, but has enjoyed the time there.

It can’t be helped. We had an amazing start to the school summer holidays with our 2 week trip to London to go to and be part of the London Olympic Games. I’m not sure that anything could match up to our experiences after that! But even during that time we travelled around to get to venues and places. We visited family which meant travelling. All fun stuff, but it’s the travelling that the boys seem to be complaining about.

They’ve also commented on the fact that they haven’t been at home much. The reason is that their friends have been away when we’ve been home, so we haven’t been able to share childcare during the weeks. I think this is compounded by the fact they’ve often had an overnight stay at home in between trips to other family or friends, either with or without us. I’m not sure us being there would affect their view. It’s the travelling that they’re remembering already from this holiday.

My husband and I have enjoyed the summer. We don’t feel too rushed or pressurised taking the boys here and there. We’ve been able to spend good time with them at home, camping and when we’ve visited friends. We thought we’d done a reasonable job this summer and feel fairly chilled out and ready for the new school year and all that will bring.

And the boys? Well, last night they asked, “What are we doing next summer?”. Guess we need to revisit how we juggle things around don’t we?

Did you get the balance right this year with your children’s summer holidays?

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Being part of a team is important

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Some of you know that I only started running 3 years ago. I’ve been going out by myself, setting myself goals and achieving them. As with all things in my life, there’s been ups and downs.

Since April when I completed my first public 5km run I’ve had back & leg problems and haven’t run so much. I lost my confidence. As with a lot of things, one small knock and it sets us back a long way. So, I decided to join in the coaching sessions at the local athletic club that the boys go to, Chorley Athletic & Triathlon Club.

Primary team marathon runners

Chorley marathon team runners

I’m loving it! If someone had told me a few months ago that I’d enjoy running up and down steps for fun, I’d have laughed at them! But that’s just it! I’m slower than all the 6 year olds, but it doesn’t matter. Everyone is there to have a good time and get fitter and stronger in their own way. Yes, there are some better athletes who go, and a lot of them compete, but I’ve been welcomed in to enjoy this activity in my own way.

I guess I’ve welcomed being part of a team and having other people encourage me, even my family. They have helped me regain my confidence. I’m still not running as many times a week as I was, but I’m spending time strengthening other parts of my body that have been neglected these past few years.

I still have some goals, but they’re no longer as important as enjoying the Tuesday night coaching sessions. Adults and Juniors train at the same place, and sometimes I join the seniors, sometimes the juniors. I do what I feel able to, whilst still challenging myself. I ache today, but I’m chuffed with my session last night. I know I’ve got people I can ask questions of if I’m unsure about something. A specialist in their field. A coach.

I had a business coach for a short time in my business life, and it was great. It helped me focus and develop areas I wasn’t confident in. I love working with the Bra Lady team as we all support each other to develop our businesses. I love being part of a family unit where we learn and develop together, and share experiences. So why has it taken me so long to get a supportive team around me in my activities? No idea!

We’ve heard a lot recently about TeamGB, and the support Olympic athletes get from being part of a bigger organisation. We wish all our athletes well for London 2012.

Have you selected your support team, or has it just happened? What other support do you need to achieve your goals?

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