Tag Archives: Parenting

2013 – here we go!

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I know it’s the 19th January, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s only just getting going with 2013 ‘stuff’?

Diary

Not my diary – it’s got things already written in it!

I got all my diarys and planners ready early January, but they’re not yet completed. Are yours? I have spoken to the majority of the Bra Lady franchisees about their goals and plans for the year ahead, and I’ve thought about it. I just haven’t put pen to paper. Have you?

As you know, 2012 was a tough year, and some aspects of my weekly routines didn’t get done. I’ve spent the last few weeks getting up to date, so finally, today, I’m feeling like I’m ready to start & get going. Even the snow isn’t dampening my spirit!

This week we’ve accepted an offer on our house, seen somewhere we want to move to, and got the accounts up to date. The VAT return will be completed tomorrow, 10 days ahead of schedule. The boys have had a great start to the year with their athletic events. And, we’ve caught up with some family and friends we hadn’t seen for ages. Not bad for the first 19 days!

The smugness will be gone again once I start to write my plans down though! My head is working overtime with all the things I want to achieve this year – personal and business. It’s good though isn’t it? To feel so positive that you can put pen to paper and commit your ideas so that others may support, or question you? Being challenged is one of the most difficult things we face isn’t it? And when others challenge your goals and plans, how does that make you feel? Threatened? Pleased they’ve taken an interest?

Well, here’s my broad plan for Support4Women this year. I know I neglected it last year, but I’m in a better place for supporting you, so I hope you’ll join in & encourage others to support each other. I’m not looking at monthly themes, but themes that will run throughout the year with some guest posts from you. Yes YOU!

2013 Support4Women themes:

Getting & staying active – I really like the She Moves campaign that’s just started to encourage more women to get and stay active. I’ve had a personal journey to stay active, and this is continuing to help me with get fit & stay sane amongst all the ups and downs of life. I’d like to hear about your own experience of getting & staying active this year. If you’d like to share a monthly diary with us, let me know.

Transgender support – through my Bra Lady work, I’m increasingly meeting and supporting biological men become women, and all that entails. It’s bad enough learning about changing bodies when we’re born female with a mother or aunt to support us. How much more difficult it must be when a person is trapped in a male form and doesn’t have that basic support. If you’re going through the change, or are/have supported someone through this change, and are willing to share your experiences, please get in touch.

Small business support – over the year’s I’ve personally supported a lot of small businesses, and growing business through coaching, action learning sets and through the franchise business. This small business support, this year, will be further developed through regular articles for small businesses. If you’ve got ideas to share with those thinking about becoming self employed, or developing a small business, your views and ideas are most welcome.

Parenting – being a Mum of 2 very active boys, 1 of whom suffered at the hands of bullies last year, I’d like to share more parenting ideas and issues. I certainly don’t have the answers, but I always like to promote discussion. If we’re not prepared to look at issues from different angles, I’m not sure we can learn as individuals, or as parents. If you have parenting issues you’d like to share, please get in touch.

I think that’s enough, don’t you? There’ll be posts on cancer, community, volunteering, breastfeeding and maybe some about bras during the year. I’ve been asked to do some reviews, so they’ll fall into place somewhere along the way. I’m looking forward to sharing an eclectic mix of views, news and discussions to support you and your family during 2013.

Ours has started well, I hope yours has too? Please get in touch if you’ve got ideas, posts, reviews or discussions you’d like to share with others. You can also give me a nudge on twitter, or Facebook if those are your preferred ways to chat.

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Picking yourself up

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Sometimes we go through tough times. It may be work, family, friendships that cause us to be sad, or low. We may be watching someone die, or caring for someone who is poorly. It’s tough isn’t it?

But we also know whilst we’re doing what we need to do, that it has to come to an end somehow. We have to move on from a friendship that is hurting us; we know that our loved one is going to die and be released from their suffering, leaving us behind. So what can we do?

I’m not sure I’ve got the answers, but having gone through some tough times these last couple of years, all I can do is tell you what I’ve done to pick myself up and move on. We’re all different and cope with situations in different ways. The important thing I’ve learnt is to talk to other people, and find a something to focus on to get me through.

When my Mum died I thought I coped pretty well. I got on with organising and arranging and clearing out her things. It was only 6 months later that I knew I needed help to work through my grief. There was all sorts of emotions going on, and I don’t think I was helped by the fact my Dad started seeing another lady 3 months after Mum died. It’s been a lot to cope with!

I knew that bereavement counselling wasn’t what I needed, so I tried Reiki, with a spiritual healer. She’s been fab, and has helped me so much over the past few years to come to terms with the way of the world. She’s worked with me to ensure I focus on the things I can affect, and my own emotions. I no longer get angry when other people are doing things I can’t affect. It’s helped and has been reassuring.

The credit crunch has affected my business, along with every other business in the country in a dramatic way. My growth plan that started before Mum’s prognosis and the credit crunch meant that I was saddled with expensive premises just when sales halved. It’s taken time to get things straight, change strategy and develop a new way of working to support more women through the Bra Lady network, whilst generating a profit.

The thing I’ve learnt here is to keep trying different things. Don’t give up. If you know your business is needed within the market place, then you’ll find a way of developing it, however slowly. If you’ve got the energy and can afford to keep going with it, just do it. You’ll never be happy until you’ve tried to make it work. However difficult the economy is.

Family life is often challenging. As children grow up they want to do different things. As a parent you want to support them, and ensure they get as many opportunities to do different things. It’s got to the stage in our house that we want to give the boys those opportunities, but we have to work out a way of financially supporting that. For us, it wasn’t a difficult decision. We have a lovely old house that needs work doing to it, so we’ve decided to sell up and move on. What’s the point of having a house we can’t afford to be in, whilst the boys are missing out (and we’re missing out on watching them develop new interests)?

So, whilst the last few weeks have been extremeley challenging in so many ways, I’ve managed to pick myself up, dust myself off, and not quite start all over again, but certainly move on in all areas of my life. The next few months are going to be tough. Moving house and all that entails will be a challenge. But, now we’ve made the decision I feel lighter and more able to look at other parts of my life and put things in perspective.

We only get one chance at life. However tough life seems now, we do need to make the most of it. Use your support network to help you through, and choose some simple tasks to achieve each day. The bigger tasks and decisions will follow when the time is right. Small steps is all we can hope to achieve when we’re sad and upset. Those small steps though will help us move towards the sunshine that we want back in our lives.

I’ve got friends who are newly bereaved, and others are watching their loved ones suffer. I’ve got friends who are struggling with their businesses, or have seen their businesses taken away from them. My son’s friend’s Dad died at the weekend. It’s all around us this sadness and upset. But then we see a new born baby, or a beautiful flower or view, and we know we have to live in the here and now. We have to support our children to grow up and be able to cope with all that life will throw at them. My 10 year old son wrote this in a card he’s sending to his bereaved friend “We hope happiness will come back into your life soon.” .

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Year Two – A Dad’s Journey

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Daddy blogger Gavin McCann talks about his toddler’s jouney from one milestone to another…

A lot of guides to babies and toddlers arm you with the knowledge you need to get started in the first year or so of parenthood – to guide you through your first steps leading up to that point when your child takes theirs. But what then? Once you’ve gotten past your first year, what can you expect? As my daughter’s second birthday approaches, I’ve stopped to take a look at what’s gone on in the past year – the highs and lows, and what I guess most parents can expect from their children too. Continue reading →

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Reasons to go Cloth!

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Helen Grounds from Petit Mom is a lover of cloth and tells you why you should consider it too!

Up to 500 Years in Landfills!
Did you know that 8 million disposable nappies in the UK go to landfills EVERY DAY? That’s a lot of nappies that can take as long as 500 years to decompose, yuck! As a cloth user I’m not putting my nappies into bins which then end up in landfills, I own them. Continue reading →

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How committed is your 7 year old?

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This post has been brewing for a while now. I’d really welcome your views and comments, even though for us, the issue has resolved itself.

I don’t want to come across as anti-football & pro-other sports, so let me set some context for you.

No.2 son was 5 and in year 1 at school when his best friend asked if he wanted to play football on a Saturday morning. He went along and enjoyed running around kicking a ball, and he had fun with his friends for an hour. After 6 months the ‘team’ moved to an evening coaching session with matches on a Saturday, which no.2 wanted to do. It was all fun & they were all enjoying themselves, and we were fairly happy with the supportive nature that team sports give to a child’s development.

Both boys have always been active, and we’ve been able to let them try different sports and activities, without any plan for them to become experts in any area. For us their activities are about fun, learning, socialising and developing their bodies and outlook on life.

Last summer the ‘team’ got a lot more serious. Sponsors were found for kit & a website, and training was moved to an all weather pitch for the winter. Matches were arranged for Saturday mornings. All this was OK and no.2 enjoyed playing with his friends. He is very competitive, (as is no.1 son), so he relished the opportunity of the physical challenge of matches.

Football at u7 and u8 is non-competitive. Leagues only start at u9 age, and no.1 son has just completed his first season playing for the same club at that age. But there is non-competitive, and non-competitive isn’t there? The boys saw each Saturday as a match that counted – giving their all and getting upset when they lost. And we felt the coaches put pressure on the boys to feel like this.

We also started to have a problem when the main coach, also best friend’s Dad, quizzed no.2 about his non-availability at weekends. Now, I know we’re not alone in having family time at weekends. And my work does make it more complicated with training and Baby shows. With only 1 parent to ferry around, if our family/friends needed support, then OH couldn’t do the football run as well.

Our main problem was that coach was asking no.2 why he wasn’t available, not us! Now he is a bright 7 year old, but he’s not able to juggle the diary just yet! He obviously got upset that he wasn’t available for ‘his team’ and he started to feel that he was letting coach down. We didn’t. When the boys were away for 2 weekends with their Grandpa at half term we felt this was good use of their time. What do you think? One whole week with Grandpa = 2 missed games of 40 minutes football.

As time has gone on, there have been lots of little things that we, as parents, were getting more uncomfortable with about this u7 ‘team’. And that’s just is UNDER 7! Yes, no.2 was chosen to have some extra coaching with Liverpool Football Club Development Centre. But after 6 months he got bored and wanted to move on. He also started athletics when he was 7 and really loves the variety that it offers – running, jumping and throwing. What more could a little boy want to do, (get muddy I guess I’d add to that list!).

And when no.2 said “I can’t do that as I’ll be chucked out of the team”, the alarm bells really rang for us. Do you REALLY have to be committed to a team at age 7?

Well, there are lots of people that want that, and are happy to fit into this structure. We weren’t, but were really struggling with our own feelings and what was best for no.2. I was going to write this and ask advice, but as I said before, it’s resolved itself!

We had to ask both boys what activities they wanted to carry on with in September, as the football clubs have to register all their players ready for the next season. No.2 said “Athletics”. There’s a running night the same night as football training, and he wants to go to that instead of being part of the team. We’ve found some Saturday morning football ‘Come and Play’ sessions that he can attend, with different school friends, so he’ll still be doing as much. Just in a different way.

His friends are devastated – crying to their parents. Most of his friends only play football. Coach can’t fathom our outlook on life, and I guess we struggle with his – football is everything and you should practice all day everyday to improve. We’ve had a real problem with him insisting that his son brings a football to school to practice everyday. This child is the one who cries when his team loses.

Yes, for some people football/one sport or activity is everything. I’m not saying we have it right. But surely a balanced activity schedule to support a balanced school education is going to support our children’s development? Not a “one size fits all” approach? And to say to your child that you HAVE to attend training & matches for the next year….is that right at age 7?

When we were discussing this, neither my husband nor I remember playing competitive sport until late primary school. The boys have taken part in far more competitive sport than we ever had at their age. We’re not saying competition is wrong. We think it was the commitment expected at that age that wasn’t right for us.

For completeness, no.2 now does: Beavers, swimming lessons, and athletics twice a week, with a Football session on a Saturday. No.1 is part of local swimming club, football club, athletics once a week and Cubs.

What’s your view? Have you experienced something similar? Be interested to hear what you think.

Apologies for the length of this, but wanted to get all the issues into the open for a full discussion. And as I said…it’s been brewing!

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Mums In Biz – Leaping Onto The Lilypad

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Today’s blog is from Donna Pinnell, founder of Little Lilypad Co – a business so family oriented even her 6 year old daughter pitches in….

My name is Donna and I love shopping! (This is a little like going to AA for business mums!) I have always said that I wanted to run my own business but with work commitments, a family, a home to run and (sometimes) a social life – who has the time to set one up? Continue reading →

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Mums In Biz – Stepping Up

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Suzanne Borrell runs the successful BabyExpo shows. Here she talks about her inspiration in setting up a business whilst on maternity leave, and looks towards further giant steps…

Why did I set up as a mumpreneur? I wanted to be in control (as much as you can be) as a mum and business owner……I had been in a very senior role managing international events  overseas but it was all encompassing and I knew it would never fit in with family life. Continue reading →

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First Time Feeding

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Helen Adams from Being Mum to Cami shares her breastfeeding experience

When I was pregnant with my daughter I was very undecided about whether or not I wanted to breast feed I did not think it was the most natural thing in the world and it always made me feel uncomfortable.

But after a very long labour and being left alone on my own for four hours in the labour suit with just my hubby and a new born baby, my mind started to change when she started to get cranky asked a passing midwife what I needed to do and just as she was starting to show me and my daughter latched on immediately and I know this will sound corny but all of a sudden I got why mums want to breast feed, my mind had been totally changed.

But I was to embarrassed to feed in public, and my nerves just could not get me over it, and that is where my big sister was my saviour she has had 2 children and her first was on her own when she lived in Honk Kong so she had just her hubby for support no family and had to do everything on her own. She was amazing when she came to stay for a week, she got me pumping milk and taught me all her tricks and made me feel confident about feeding in public, I had no choice she just took me in hand and made sure in the week she was with me I went to many public places and fed my beautiful daughter, and to my surprise by the end of the week I was a mum who just went about her day to day life with a baby and fed her when she needed it blankets are a good cover up and no one ever really guessed I was feeding.

My mum came to stay with us for a week when my daughter was four weeks old and this nis where my problems started i got really bad mastitis, so bad i was rushed into hospital with a raging temperature a huge lump in my breast, and a breast that resembled a homing beacon, a lt of antibiotics and a few weeks of feeling like whenever i fed i had cut glass coming out of me it slowly passed, I don’t know what i would have done without my Mum she took control just like my sister did, we had to introduce formula it my daughters diet at 4 weeks as I  became very unsettled after the mastitis. I continued to pump into bottles and breast feed at the same time i was very fortunate that my daughter did not mind where it came from so long as she got it, I managed 6 months of feeding and i felt incredibly proud of myself and feel it created a unique bond between the two of us.

I know not everyone gets on with breast feeding as I struggled for a while, I had friends who tried and just did not gel with it but it does not mean they did not give their beautiful children the perfect start all the perfect start needs is a parent who adores their child that is perfect.

 

We’d love to hear your experiences of breastfeeding the first time and if you had any obstacles on the way…

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The Full Time Working Mum’s Guide to Breastfeeding

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Working full-time while raising an infant isn’t easy, and one of the most difficult considerations is figuring out how to feed your baby in between working hours. While it’s a tough task, the job of providing sustenance for your child should fall primarily to you during the first months of his or her life. Experts agree that breastfeeding provides many benefits over manufactured formula, which should only be used as a last resort. That said, while the nourishment should be coming from you, others will be able to help you put in the time needed to do the actual feeding. Here are some tips to help you provide your baby with the best nourishment possible without being run completely ragged.

If you work from home or are located near your child’s day care, you may be able to nurse throughout the day. Even if you are unable to get away in order to feed your child directly, you should take the time to use a breast pump a couple of times during the work day if possible. This way, you will have a ready supply of milk for later, and it will keep the milk in production. If you neither nurse nor pump for long periods of time, your body will begin to produce less milk, and you will be forced to supplement with formula. You may have to do that to some extent anyway, but ideally, you will do it as little as possible.

Hopefully, you will have a place at work where you will be able to pump easily and discretely. If you are unable to take that much of a break or do not have an area that private to which you can escape, get a pumping bra, and you can pump while you work, accomplishing tasks as your milk is gathered into containers. Be sure to wear breast pads so that milk leakage will not damage your clothes.

Breast milk is the healthiest thing for babies to drink, so taking the time to provide your own milk to your baby will probably save you time in the long run, since you won’t have to worry so much about illness. The nice thing about pumping is that your baby will get all of the benefits of breast milk without it needing to come directly from you. This way, you can get a break. A caregiver or other family members can take turns feeding the baby using the milk that you have provided. It’s especially good if the baby’s father can do this, since feeding is a bonding experience, and he will not have as many natural bonding opportunities as you will.

You should try to bond with your baby as much as possible, and nursing is the most natural way to do it. When you come home from work, you should be all set to nurse your baby, who is likely to be eagerly anticipating your return. Instruct whoever is caring for your baby not to administer a feeding for a couple of hours before you return. That way, your baby will be hungry when you arrive, and you can feed him or her directly from your breasts. Feeling that soft, warm body against your chest is a powerful experience that will bring both of you a sense of security. At night, you will also be at home to feed your baby directly, and this will strengthen the bond and be healthier for your new child.


Finding the time and energy for breastfeeding can be complicated, especially for women who spend most of the day outside of the home. However, the benefits in terms of health and mother-child intimacy are very tangible, making it worth the extra effort to provide nutrition the natural way.

 

This post was written as a guest post by Mums Mall – an online shopping comparison mall dedicated to helping mums get the best deals online when shopping for baby/maternity products, toys and children’s clothing.

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http://www.flickr.com/photos/matteo_bagnoli/4093271989/

 

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